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Angel
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YOU CAN POST ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING CHRISTMAS!  JOKES, VIDEOS, RECIPES, PICTURES! 

Abby1964
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Cool! One of may favorite versions of The Carol Of the Bells
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5m9_LXNOYM

Angel
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Abby1964 wrote: Cool! One of may favorite versions of The Carol Of the Bells
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5m9_LXNOYM

LOL! That was really cute!

Abby1964
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I love that 'dumb' bell!

Angel
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What is special about the Christmas alphabet?
It has NO EL.

What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus!

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
He likes to ho-ho-ho.

How does Santa Claus take photos?
With his North Pole-aroid.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve.

Why are Christmas trees like people who can't knit?
They both drop their needles!

Which reindeer needs to mind his manners the most?
"Rude"olph!

What do you call a group of chess fanatics bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?
Sandy Claus!

What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you!

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No, you can have turkey like everyone else!

Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
He had no body to go with!

Why did the little boy push his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.

Abby1964
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Christmas with the rednecks:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJOe3CXE-mA

and Christmas with the terrorists:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wskT6YfVB6E

Abby1964
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A guy walked into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he knew exactly what would please her and took a little bird out of its cage.

"This is Chet," he said, "and Chet can sing Christmas carols and songs." Seeing the look of disbelief on the customer's face, he proceeded to demonstrate.

"He needs warming up," he said. "Lend me your cigarette lighter."
The storekeeper lifted Chet's left wing and waved the flame lightly under it. Immediately, Chet sang: Oh Come, All Ye Faithful.

"That's fantastic," said the customer.

"And listen to this," said the storekeeper, warming Chet's other wing.
Chet sang: O Little Town of Bethlehem.

"Wrap him up," said the customer, "I'll take him!"

When he got home he greeted his wife: "Honey, I can't wait until Christmas to show you what I got you. This is fantastic."

He unwrapped Chet's cage and showed the bird to his wife. "Now, watch and listen."

He raised Chet's left wing and held him over a Christmas candle that was burning on the mantlepiece. Chet immediately began to sing Silent Night. The wife was delighted. As Chet's right wing was warmed over the flame, he sang Joy To The World.

"Let me try it," said the wife, seizing he bird. In her eagerness, she held Chet a little too close to the candle flame. Chet began to sing passionately:

"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire!"

Dragonflygurl
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This is quite amusing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNHljo_8WsI&feature=related

Angel
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Christmas wavs and clips -

http://www.rickysplace.com/xmas/index.html

Abby1964
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Something for the little clusterlizards. NORAD has already put up the Santa Tracking Website
http://www.noradsanta.org/en/index.html?utm_campaign=en_US&utm_medium=mapshpp&utm_source=en_US-mapshpp-na-us-gns-norad

They'll be tracking him in real time on Christmas Eve but until then they can visit Santa's Village at the North Pole and play all sorts of Games and get daily updates on what's happening up there in the North Pole.

JediPug1
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My little Pug, Joxer, wanted me to share his favorite Christmas carol with all of you.... 


Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland - Doggie Style  :o)

Dog tags ring; are you listenin'?
In the lane, snow is glistenin'
It's yellow not white; I've been here tonight
Markin' up my Winter Wonderland

Smell that tree; it's my fragrance
It's a sign for wandrin' vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee; it's my prop-er-ty!
marked up as my Winter Wonderland!"

In the meadow Mom will build a snowman
Following the classical design
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go man
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine

Straight from me to the fencepost
Flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off my TURF, this small piece of earth
I marked it as my Winter Wonderland!"
WOOF!!

:ani-light1:
:ani-sign:




Abby1964
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I love that! Have to share it with my little four legged babies!

Angel
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LOLOL! That's too funny!

Abby1964
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I have a female and two males one male is not fixed so he has a year round wonderland! and he marks the other male too!

Dragonflygurl
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LOL that is so funny Jedpug1 and I'll have to share that with my neighbour.

JediPug1
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LOL Glad you guys enjoyed it! :o)

Abby1964
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I rarely share my recipes but this is a Christmas treat in my house. And yes lots of holiday calories.


Chocolate Mint Bread Pudding

1 Tbs Butter (The real thing not margarine!)
4 large eggs
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 Tsp Vanilla Extract
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
¼ cup Peppermint Schnapps
1 Tsp Peppermint Extract
2 cups Half and Half
8 slices of day old bread cut into ½ inch cubes

Melt Choc chips in a large Microwave safe bowl until very warm (Almost hot). Mix in the butter, brown sugar, vanilla, peppermint extract and schnapps. Mix until smooth. Whisk in eggs until smooth. Add half and half and stir well until. (Good idea to taste at this point to see if you need more Peppermint Extract. It all depends on how much mint flavor you want.) Add the bread cubes and stir well. Let it sit for 30 minutes but stir it a couples of times while it is sitting.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray a 9x9 glass or metal baking pan with a non-stick spray. Pour the bread mixture into the pan and bake until it is set in the center about 60 minutes. Let it cool and serve.

JediPug1
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OOoooHHH!!!! That recipe sounds gooooood.... Thanks for sharing!

JediPug1
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Mr. Bean - Christmas Scene....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Se5CBogDuYU&feature=related



:xmastree5::MC-1:

Abby1964
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JediPug1 wrote:
OOoooHHH!!!! That recipe sounds gooooood.... Thanks for sharing!

You're welcome! I make it and there's always a fight to keep people out of it until desert. You can also replace the Peppemint schnapps with what ever flavor of schnapps you like

Dragonflygurl
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If you've got relatives like mine, this video make sense.
http://www.howcast.com/videos/70844-How-To-Avoid-Giving-Terrible-Gifts

Dragonflygurl
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Here's some fun websites

Smack the Elf,
http://www.santabot.com/

Pimp my Sleigh,
http://www.dumb.com/funnyvideos/pimpmysleigh.php


Last edited on Thu Dec 9th, 2010 01:35 am by Dragonflygurl

Angel
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Dragonflygurl wrote: If you've got relatives like mine, this video make sense.
http://www.howcast.com/videos/70844-How-To-Avoid-Giving-Terrible-Gifts

My brothers need to see this video, LOL!

Angel
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Office Holiday Memo
To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).

1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)
3. Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."
4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.
5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
6. Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.

Angel
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This is a really cute animal Christmas video -

http://www.rickysplace.com/player/1206-3.html

JediPug1
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Angel wrote: This is a really cute animal Christmas video -

http://www.rickysplace.com/player/1206-3.html


Cute!  Sharing that on Facebook!  :D

Dragonflygurl
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WARNING HAS A LOT OF SWEARING IN IT.

This is very rude and just about sums up how I'm feeling about it right now.  Just had a phone call about a do on Saturday and venue has changed and I'm not happy about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqfZUX5svCg&feature=recentf

Last edited on Thu Dec 9th, 2010 08:29 pm by Dragonflygurl

mayaXXX
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BRILLIANT !! I love Eric Idle !!!

:ani-sign:

Angel
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These have always been a holiday favorite of mine.  I make them every Christmas, but what I do is double up the vanilla for extra flavor and double dip them in the powedered sugar, about a minute after they're done I dip them well in a bowl of powered sugar, then let them cool 10 minutes and dip them well again.

Russian Teacakes

1
cup butter or margarine, softened
1/2
cup powdered sugar
1
teaspoon vanilla
2 1/4
cups Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
3/4
cup finely chopped nuts
1/4
teaspoon salt

Powdered sugar



 
  1. Heat oven to 350ºF.
  2. Mix butter, 1/2 cup powdered sugar and the vanilla in large bowl. Stir in flour, nuts and salt until dough holds together.
  3. Shape dough into 1-inch balls. Place about 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheet.
  4. Bake 12 to 18 minutes, keep an eye on them  or until set but not brown. Remove from cookie sheet. Cool slightly on wire rack.
  5. Roll warm cookies in powdered sugar; cool on wire rack or wax paper on the counter. Roll in powdered sugar again.

Abby1964
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I loved this one when I was a kid
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yon2YuXssvo

JediPug1
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Another tasty recipe - Thanks Angel! And I love that Christmas special, Abby. I'm the Snow Miser. :O)

Anyone here know of the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre? Well, you should... ;o) Here's their version of the Twelve Days of Christmas. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPMDoKpgKGA&feature=channel

Abby1964
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JediPug1 wrote:
Another tasty recipe - Thanks Angel! And I love that Christmas special, Abby. I'm the Snow Miser. :O)

Anyone here know of the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre? Well, you should... ;o) Here's their version of the Twelve Days of Christmas. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPMDoKpgKGA&feature=channel


That one of three I watch every year along with the Grinch-The cartoon not the movie and The Claymation Christmas

Dragonflygurl
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One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde.
She asks "Santa, will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"
She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks
"Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"
She takes off everything and asks "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa replies "Hey Hey I gotta stay, gotta stay! I can't get up the chimney with my prick this way!"

Dragonflygurl
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WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN
  1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
  2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
  3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
  4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
  5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
  6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
  7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
  8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 'sell by' date.
  9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

Dragonflygurl
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Jack Daniels Christmas Cookies

Ingredients:


1 cup of water

Lemon juice
1 tsp baking soda
4 large eggs
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of nuts
1 tsp salt
2 cups of dried fruit
1 cup of brown sugar
1 cup Jack Daniels Whiskey

1. Sample the Jack Daniels to check quality.

2. Take a large bowl, check the Jack Daniels again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
3. Turn on the electric beater.
4. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
5. Add one teaspoon of sugar....
6. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Jack Daniels is still okay. Try another cup, just in case.
7. Turn off the mixerer thingy.
8. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
9. Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
10. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Jack Daniels for tonsisticity.
11. Next, sift two cups of salt, or whatever. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jack Daniels.
12. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
13. Greash the oven. Turn the cake 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
14. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Dack Janiels and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS

Angel
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LOL! I'll have to try those Jack Daniels cookies, sounds like a fun holiday treat!

JediPug1
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George Lasso's the Moon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hN2g2hpproo

Abby1964
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Had a good laugh on the way home from the store just now. Somebody's 10 foot inflatable Santa already had too much eggnog or sprung a leak. They were busy pumping him up and when they would get him full he'd start deflating and fall over flat on his face!:xmas66:

Dragonflygurl
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JediPug1 wrote: George Lasso's the Moon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hN2g2hpproo
Great movie and not seen it for years now.  I've only ever seen it in black and white.  My niece likes these old movies, so I think I'll post it on my facebook.

Angel
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Abby1964 wrote: Had a good laugh on the way home from the store just now. Somebody's 10 foot inflatable Santa already had too much eggnog or sprung a leak. They were busy pumping him up and when they would get him full he'd start deflating and fall over flat on his face!:xmas66:

LOLOL!  It was probably too much eggnog.

:S1-2:

JediPug1
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Merry Christmas from Bailey the Unknown Reindeer!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sUL0KCIc48&feature=player_embedded


:S1-3::xmasbanner1::MC-1:

Abby1964
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Angel wrote:
Abby1964 wrote: Had a good laugh on the way home from the store just now. Somebody's 10 foot inflatable Santa already had too much eggnog or sprung a leak. They were busy pumping him up and when they would get him full he'd start deflating and fall over flat on his face!:xmas66:

LOLOL!  It was probably too much eggnog.

:S1-2:


And he's still face down today lol Santa needs either an intervention or viagra!

JediPug1
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Gee whiz....  :shock:  Must be nice to be rich...

http://io9.com/5712711/it-costs-82000-to-light-the-one-million-christmas-lights-at-this-house

Abby1964
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JediPug1 wrote:
Gee whiz....  :shock:  Must be nice to be rich...

http://io9.com/5712711/it-costs-82000-to-light-the-one-million-christmas-lights-at-this-house


Wow the Griswold's are moving up in the world! Honestly that's way excessive!

Dragonflygurl
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JediPug1 wrote: Merry Christmas from Bailey the Unknown Reindeer!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sUL0KCIc48&feature=player_embedded



:S1-3::xmasbanner1::MC-1:
Oh that's so cute.

Dragonflygurl
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stupid aliens capture a snowman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm-bkykoUrA&feature=player_embedded

Angel
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Dragonflygurl wrote: stupid aliens capture a snowman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm-bkykoUrA&feature=player_embedded


LOL, that was cute.  I wish I had more time to find some funny stuff, between work and the snow I haven't had any!

Angel
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JediPug1 wrote: Gee whiz....  :shock:  Must be nice to be rich...

http://io9.com/5712711/it-costs-82000-to-light-the-one-million-christmas-lights-at-this-house

It's pretty, but I'd hate to have that electric bill!

JediPug1
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Sure to be a new Christmas classic, "Grandma Got Molested at the Airport."  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Qdb6wC0Iz4&feature=player_embedded

:S1-2::xmastree5::MC-1:

Abby1964
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Shake that thang Mrs Claus! Go Santa! Go Santa!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a38UWsfR-A

Dragonflygurl
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My version of the night before xmas.

It was the night before Christmas
All through the house was quiet
not even  a mouse was speaking
because of the bloody cat had eatten it.

When sunddenly there was a thunderous noise
Fuck me I said what earth could that be,
oh no the chimmney stack had fallen
because that fat arse santa couldn't fit through.

So I grabbed the vodka I'd left for Santa
as I was in shock, and drunk it down with one
gulp.  And as for the cookies, they were rather
yummy.

.............

To be continue if I can think of any more crap to type.

Dragonflygurl
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Twas the night before Christmas When all through the house, The whole damn family was drunk as a louse. Grandpa and Grandma were singin' a song, And the kid was in bed flogging his dong. Ma home from the cathouse, And I, out of jail, had just settled Down for a good piece of tail. When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter, I jumped off of Ma to see what was the matter. Away to the window I made a mad dash, Threw open the window and fell out on my ass. And what to my bloodshot eyes should appear But a rusty old sleigh and a dozen reindeer. With a little old driver holding his prick, I knew in a moment that bastard was Nick. Slower than snails his chargers they came. He bitched and he swore as he called them by name. "Now Dancer, now Prancer, up over the walls. Quick now, damn it, or I'll cut off your balls!" When up on the roof he stumbled and fell, And came down the chimney like a bat out of Hell. He staggered and stumbled and went to the door He tripped on his dick and fell to the floor. I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, "Piss on you all, it's a Hell of a night."

Dragonflygurl
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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

Dragonflygurl
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Ever Wondered how icicles were form?

How are icicles formed?

Abby1964
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Dragonflygurl wrote:
Ever Wondered how icicles were form?

How are icicles formed?


lol And I know some people who used to suck on those things when we were kids!:shock:

Dragonflygurl
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Dragonflygurl
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Dragonflygurl
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Abby1964
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rDwpNR8zys
Help! I've fallen and I can't get up right in the middle of our performance!

Dragonflygurl
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Abby1964 wrote: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rDwpNR8zys
Help! I've fallen and I can't get up right in the middle of our performance!

That is cool and I've post on my FB.  The lady that fell over  must of starting early on the eggnog.  Oh and what was 5th days?, as I could not make out what she was saying.

Angel
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Abby1964 wrote: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rDwpNR8zys
Help! I've fallen and I can't get up right in the middle of our performance!

LOL!  The 2nd one 'rigging up the lights' sounds just like Rosie O'Donnell!

Abby1964
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Dragonflygurl wrote:
Abby1964 wrote: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rDwpNR8zys
Help! I've fallen and I can't get up right in the middle of our performance!

That is cool and I've post on my FB.  The lady that fell over  must of starting early on the eggnog.  Oh and what was 5th days?, as I could not make out what she was saying.


I kept thinking she should have been the one with the "hangovers!" line. 5th day is 5 months of bills.

I didn't think of Rosie but now that you mention it!

Last edited on Sat Dec 18th, 2010 02:01 pm by Abby1964

JediPug1
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:ani-light1:
:ani-sign:

mayaXXX
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LOLOLOL...!!

 

:bounce_pinka:

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Jedi, that's brilliant!

Kai-trina
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Merrrrrrry Christmas everyone!!!

Angel
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Here's a Christmas website where you can do alot of things.

http://xmasfun.com/Default.aspx

JediPug1
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Angel wrote: Here's a Christmas website where you can do alot of things.

http://xmasfun.com/Default.aspx


Oh, that's cool!  Thanks, Angel.  I'll share that on my Facebook page.

:ani-light1:
:ani-sign:

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MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!  WISHING YOU AND YOURS A VERY NICE HOLIDAY!
:xmastree5:
:MC3::ani-light1::S1-2:

JediPug1
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MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

:ani-light1:

:ani-sign:

:S1-3::kai-red::JSMIRK:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy6ba_M6zww&feature=fvw

Abby1964
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Well just checked Norad Santa should be arriving in Suva, Fiji soon ETA A little over two minutes! Got to love Modern technology.

JediPug1
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"The Twelve Days of Christmas" - Irish style.  :smtree:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbejNNCTr7k&feature=related

Dragonflygurl
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JediPug1 wrote: "The Twelve Days of Christmas" - Irish style.  :smtree:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbejNNCTr7k&feature=related

That's really funny.

Abby1964
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A Mayhem Holiday season-I love Dean Winters mayhem commercials.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ITpeTI1ZRM

Abby1964
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Mana: 
A Little late but I just got this today in an e-mail. Twas the Night Before Christmas written in lawyer language.

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a
certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter “the House”) a general
lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a
mouse.



A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by
and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick
a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter “Claus”) would arrive at
sometime thereafter.



The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were
located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance,
cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.



Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as
“I”), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the
second part (hereinafter “Mamma”), and said Mamma had retired for a
sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various
forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)



Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the
lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The
party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to
investigate the cause of such disturbance.



At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter “the Vehicle”)
being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately
eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact
was, the previously referenced Claus.



Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the
approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically indentified the animal
co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid,
Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter “the Deer”). (Upon information and belief,
it is further asserted an additional co-conspirator named “Rudolph” may have
been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the
Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown
origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either
express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said
House via the chimney.



Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with
residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion
of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was
smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of
local ordinances and health regulations.



Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor
children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small
gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute “gifts” to said minor
pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)



Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew,
rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the
Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as “lookouts.” Claus immediately
departed for an unknown destination.



However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said
House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim:

“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!” Or words to that effect.

Author Unknown

JediPug1
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Mana: 
Abby1964 wrote: A Little late but I just got this today in an e-mail. Twas the Night Before Christmas written in lawyer language.

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a
certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter “the House”) a general
lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a
mouse.



A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by
and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick
a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter “Claus”) would arrive at
sometime thereafter.



The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were
located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance,
cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.



Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as
“I”), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the
second part (hereinafter “Mamma”), and said Mamma had retired for a
sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various
forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)



Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the
lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The
party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to
investigate the cause of such disturbance.



At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter “the Vehicle”)
being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately
eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact
was, the previously referenced Claus.



Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the
approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically indentified the animal
co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid,
Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter “the Deer”). (Upon information and belief,
it is further asserted an additional co-conspirator named “Rudolph” may have
been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the
Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown
origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either
express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said
House via the chimney.



Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with
residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion
of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was
smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of
local ordinances and health regulations.



Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor
children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small
gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute “gifts” to said minor
pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)



Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew,
rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the
Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as “lookouts.” Claus immediately
departed for an unknown destination.



However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said
House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim:

“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!” Or words to that effect.

Author Unknown


Ah, the paralegal in me appreciates that one...  LOL  :xmasbanner1:

Abby1964
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I had to read reports when I was working at the police dept. Lawyers and cops both believe in baffling with bullsh*t



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