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Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!
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Ketana
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 Posted: Wed Dec 6th, 2006 10:57 am

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Angel
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 Posted: Wed Dec 6th, 2006 03:20 pm

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Twelve Pains of Christmas
        Chorus :
        The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        Is finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        Husband (2): Rigging up the lights,
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        Inebreated man (3): Hangovers,
        2: Rigging up the lights,
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        Frustrated man (4): Sending Christmas cards,
        3: Hangovers,
        2: Rigging up the lights,
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        Five months of bills,
        4: Sending Christmas cards,
        3: Hangovers,
        2: Rigging up the lights,
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        Frustrated wife (6): Facing my in-laws,
        C: Five months of bills,
        4: Oh, I hate those Christmas cards,
        3: Hangovers,
        2: Rigging up these lights,
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        Angry man (7): The Salvation Army,
        6: Facing my in-laws,
        C: Five months of bills,
        4: Sending Christmas cards,
        3: Oh, Jeez!
        2: I'm trying to rig up these lights!
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        Loud kid (8): I WANNA FURBY FOR CHRISTMAS!
        7: Charities And what do you mean, "your in-laws"?!?
        C: Five months of bills,
        4: Oh, making out these cards,
        3: Edith, get me a beer, huh?
        2: What we have no extension cords?!?
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        Another frustrated man (9): No parking spaces,
        8: DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!
        7: Donations!
        6: Facing my in-laws,
        C: Five months of bills,
        4: Writing out those Christmas cards,
        3: Hangovers,
        2: Now why the hell are they blinking?!?
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        other (10): "Batteries not included",
        9: No parking spaces,
        8: BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!!
        7: Get a job, ya bum!!!
        6: (sobbing) Oh, facing my in-laws,
        C: Five months of bills,
        4: Yo, ho! Sending Christmas cards,
        3: Oh, Jeez, look at this!
        2: One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        TV Critic (11): Stale TV specials,
        10: "Batteries not included",
        9: No parking spaces,
        8: I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!!
        7: Charities!!
        6: (sobbing) She's a witch! I hate her!
        C: Five months of bills,
        4: Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
        3: Oh, who's got the toilet paper?
        2: Get a flashlight!! I blew a fuse!!!
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.
        .
        The twelth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
        A few guys: Singing Christmas Carols,
        11: Stale TV specials,
        10: "Batteries not included",
        9: No parking?
        8: WAAAAAAH!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
        7: Charities!
        6: Gotta make 'em dinner!
        C: Five months of bills,
        4: I'm not sending them this year, that's it!
        3: Shut up, you!
        2: FINE!! If you're so smart, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!!!
        C: And finding a Christmas tree.



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CheshireKat
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 Posted: Wed Dec 6th, 2006 08:31 pm

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Christmas At Ground Zero Weird Al Yankovic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_CP3OKWGYE



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CheshireKat
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 Posted: Wed Dec 6th, 2006 08:48 pm

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12 Pains of Christmas
Click to see Audio



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Angel
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 Posted: Thu Dec 7th, 2006 12:02 pm

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Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact,
if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where
they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine
single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than
single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year
but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories
in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one
for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole
point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make
a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy.
Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with
skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?
It's like buying a sports car with an automatic
transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort
to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots
of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now
and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a
10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet
table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size
of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have
as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of
each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and
one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have
more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with
the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave
the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is
just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and
screaming,

"WOO HOO what a ride!"



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mayaXXX
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 Posted: Thu Dec 7th, 2006 07:18 pm

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Ah such lovely words to live by...may I offer some more 'Rules of Xmas?"

11. Don't under any circumstances dress to impress with tight fitting clothes at a Holday dinner. You'll only be miserable and it's  not the point to wear a skin-tight pair of leather pants and a bustier. Wear a huge holiday sweater and stretch jeans. Get a clue. You'll thank me in the end.

12.  Bringing a dish to a pot-luck office dinner is a rule in some offices. If you're a guy, forget the food, you can't cook anyway, bring booze. If you're a girl, if you don't have a specialty that everyone likes, just buy baked goods, everyone eats desserts but not eveyrone eats a Tuna/cheese/potato chip casserole.

13. Beware the seafood based yummies. It's not the season for shrimp in December,and the longer they're left out, the more intense your food poisoning will be later.

14.  If conversation with others interferes with your eating strategies, avoid it. After all, if it were a talk-fest, there wouldn't be food and booze.

15. Make sure to have a stand-by mode of transportation home. Like a limo with a bed made up in the back with a turn-down service, I guarantee you'll fall asleep at the wheel from all the food and drink and this way you won't have to worry about a DWI or FWI on the way home (Food while driving)

16. Never show up empty handed to a party. Bring liquor, everyone likes liquor. It will get you into the most exclusive parties depending on what you bring. Don't be cheap. Forget the 'Boone's Farm Apple wine' and stick with single malt scotch.

17. Compliment the hostess on her outfit before you start eating, that way you won't  spit crab salad all over her Holday Versace outfit, making it necessary  for you to be escorted to the door and thrown into the snow.

18. Edible Christmas decorations (cookie Xmas tree ornaments, etc) are NOT to be eaten, it's just the idea of them that's cute, not the actual eating.

19. If the Hostess or Host has a pet, slipping it food from your plate is a bad idea. It will take that as permission to scarf your food down while you're at the bar refreshing your drink. And the hosts might take offense to their dog or cat being flung into the Christmas tree for eating your roast beef.

20.  Kids are also to be avoided. You'll end up reading them stories or playing 'Hide and Seek' for hours while the buffet dwindles to a few crumbs of bread left on the table and then where would you be? Best to act as if you're allergic to the fabric softener in their clothes, that way you can visibly avoid them without the Hosts becoming angry, which would of course result in you being thrown into the snow once again.

 

:ani-sign:

 



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Ketana
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 Posted: Thu Dec 7th, 2006 07:43 pm

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and one tip from the E-BIL lioness..

 

Office Party.

Standing under the mistletoe is a no no!

Sucking face with the boss is also another no no! especially if his wife has been invited to the party!

Blackmailing the boss with office pictures from the Holiday Party is a no-no and you will not get that Christmas bonus you were panting after either!

Spiking the Christmas punch is a no-no. 'Sides Sybil from Office Services is prolly watching! 

otherwise have fun!! and don't forget ya camera! buwahahahahahaha..   



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mayaXXX
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 Posted: Fri Dec 8th, 2006 07:36 am

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Blackmailing the boss with office pictures from the Holiday Party is a no-no and you will not get that Christmas bonus you were panting after either!
Unquore:


Speak for yourself, heheh..

:flucht01:



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Angel
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 Posted: Fri Dec 8th, 2006 12:30 pm

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A Christman Card from Santa
 
I'm sending this card to tell you
That taxes have taken away
The things that I really needed --
My workshop, my reindeer, my sleigh,


Now I'm making my rounds on a jackass,
He's old, he's crippled, he's slow,
So you'll know if I don't see you at Xmas,
It's cause I'm out on my ass in the snow.



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Ketana
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 Posted: Fri Dec 8th, 2006 07:07 pm

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Stick it under the Xmas tree!!



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Angel
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 Posted: Fri Dec 8th, 2006 07:26 pm

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Ketana wrote:

 

Stick it under the Xmas tree!!

But I'd rather stick it somewhere else.  :bigO::haha:



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mayaXXX
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 Posted: Sat Dec 9th, 2006 12:56 am

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Well I just got my first batch of Angel's Christmas Russian teacake cookies and I have to say... I'm going to have to compose a sonnet or two for these luscious little treats...

ODE TO A RUSSIAN TEACAKE...

Ah, your buttery goodness,

your lighter than air crunch,

your whiter than white globes,

bringing to mind Winters past and present,

melting like the Vanilla Spring of sugar,

on a warmed tongue but leaving

a promise of Walnut essence  just out of reach.

How can I live without this taste of 'Winter Heaven'?

Just one more nibble, I vow to myself, and then

succumb to temptation beyond all rational thought,

and float to Nirvana once more.

MINE, MINE I TELL YOU, GET AWAY...GRRRRRRRRRR !!

*Y'all think I'm kidding?"

 

:xmasbanner1:

:ani-light1:

 

 



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Ketana
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 Posted: Sat Dec 9th, 2006 01:03 am

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mayaXXX wrote: Well I just got my first batch of Angel's Christmas Russian teacake cookies and I have to say... I'm going to have to compose a sonnet or two for these luscious little treats...

ODE TO A RUSSIAN TEACAKE...

Ah, your buttery goodness,

your lighter than air crunch,

your whiter than white globes,

bringing to mind Winters past and present,

melting like the Vanilla Spring of sugar,

on a warmed tongue but leaving

a promise of Walnut essence  just out of reach.

How can I live without this taste of 'Winter Heaven'?

Just one more nibble, I vow to myself, and then

succumb to temptation beyond all rational thought,

and float to Nirvana once more.

MINE, MINE I TELL YOU, GET AWAY...GRRRRRRRRRR !!

*Y'all think I'm kidding?"

 

:xmasbanner1:

:ani-light1:

 

 

lol so they were that good huh?



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Don't sprinkle sugar on your bullshit and then tell me it's candy!
mayaXXX
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Joined: Tue Oct 24th, 2006
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Mana: 
 Posted: Sat Dec 9th, 2006 01:25 am

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GET AWAY *SMACKS KETANA'S HANDS* You're just over here to steal them, I know you, go away, leave me alone with my Teacakes !! "It's just you and me against the world my lovelies, no one can love you like I can...." GRRRRRRRRRRRR !!

:grrr-sign:    :u055a:



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IT'S OFFICIAL
Angel
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 Posted: Sat Dec 9th, 2006 03:24 am

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mayaXXX wrote: Well I just got my first batch of Angel's Christmas Russian teacake cookies and I have to say... I'm going to have to compose a sonnet or two for these luscious little treats...

ODE TO A RUSSIAN TEACAKE...

Ah, your buttery goodness,

your lighter than air crunch,

your whiter than white globes,

bringing to mind Winters past and present,

melting like the Vanilla Spring of sugar,

on a warmed tongue but leaving

a promise of Walnut essence  just out of reach.

How can I live without this taste of 'Winter Heaven'?

Just one more nibble, I vow to myself, and then

succumb to temptation beyond all rational thought,

and float to Nirvana once more.

MINE, MINE I TELL YOU, GET AWAY...GRRRRRRRRRR !!

*Y'all think I'm kidding?"

 

:xmasbanner1:

:ani-light1:

 

 


*backs away slowly from Maya*  They're just teacakes honey.....nothing special....

(now that I have her hooked, her soul is mine, buahahahahahaha!) :smoke::4444:

 



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The dead do not squeeze and please....

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