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Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!
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Ketana
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 Posted: Fri Dec 1st, 2006 08:08 pm

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mayaXXX wrote:
lol yeah...the dead do not ho ho ho!



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Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Fri Dec 1st, 2006 08:26 pm

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"On the Table"


He laid her on the table.
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat.
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast.
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide...he looked inside.
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
And then he stuffed the turkey.


 

Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Fri Dec 1st, 2006 08:30 pm

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Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the house,

Everybody felt shitty even the mouse.
With Mom at the whore house,

And dad smoking grass,
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass!

When out on the lawn I hear such a clatter,
I sprung from my piece to see what was the matter!

When out on the lawn I saw a big dick,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew in a moment the fucker had fell!

He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick for my brother, the queer.

He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart!

He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight,
Piss on you all and have a Hell of a night
!




Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Fri Dec 1st, 2006 08:36 pm

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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

Last edited on Fri Dec 1st, 2006 08:38 pm by Dragonflygurl

Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Sat Dec 2nd, 2006 06:53 pm

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Ketana
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 Posted: Sun Dec 3rd, 2006 02:00 am

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LOL oh look a hole in one! buwahahahahahaha



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Ketana
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 Posted: Sun Dec 3rd, 2006 02:02 am

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Angel
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 Posted: Sun Dec 3rd, 2006 02:23 pm

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Cranberry Punch


This sparkling red punch is a good choice for a buffet at holiday time with a citrus bite. For a less sweet punch, substitute seltzer or club soda for the ginger ale.

Makes about 1 1/2 quarts.
Total time: 20 minutes, plus chilling time.





Ingredients


2 cups cranberry juice
2 cups pineapple juice
1 cup orange juice
3/4 cup triple sec (optional)
1 pint strawberries, hulled and sliced
1 lime, thinly sliced
4 cups ginger ale, chilled



Instructions


Step 1:
In a large glass container, combine ingredients and chill thoroughly.

Step 2:
Just before serving, slowly stir in the ginger ale. Pour into a punch bowl or large jug and add ice cubes.

Last edited on Sun Dec 3rd, 2006 02:24 pm by Angel



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Angel
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 Posted: Sun Dec 3rd, 2006 02:26 pm

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Wild Turkey Candy


This one is only for the adults since it's made with bourbon!

*hint*  You can always drink the bourbon yourself for some real holiday cheer!  *hic*




Ingredients


1/4 cup soft butter
1/3 cup Wild Turkey Bourbon
1 lb. Powdered sugar (you may need more if too runny)

1 bag (about 1 1/2 lbs.) chocolate chips

1 to 1 1/2 bags of pecans



Instructions


Mix butter, sugar and bourbon together till stiff.

Melt chocolate chips in microwave then stir.

Roll the wild turkey mixture into small oval shapes (keeping powdered sugar on hands makes it less sticky) about as big as the pecan. Put pecan 1/2 on each side of ball and dip narrow side in chocolate. Set and serve.

Makes about 100 pieces.



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Angel
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 Posted: Sun Dec 3rd, 2006 02:34 pm

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'Twas the Night After Christmas'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.


The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn't argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.

When out in the yard the dog started barkin', I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. He yelled, "Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus."

I said, "Claus, I don't know nobody named Claus, and you ain't taking me in without probable cause." Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night." I said, "That might have been me, just what's he look like."

The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry." I said, "Sheriff that sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."

"It's no time for jokes Roy" the Sheriff he said. "The man I'm describing in dressed all in red. I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean. Tell me what you've done, tell me what you've seen."

Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell, it wouldn't have been the first time that I've spent New Years in jail. I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten, and I thought that my wife had been drinking again."

When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO's. But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red.

Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter. Well my hands were a shakin' as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red's chimney this feller did run.

And slung on his back was this bag over flowin'. I thought he stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowling'. So I yelled, "Drop fat boy, hands in the air!" But he went about his business like he hadn't a care.

So I popped a warning shot over his head. Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled. And as he flew off I heard him extort, "That's assault with intent Roy, I'll see ya in court."



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Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Mon Dec 4th, 2006 12:08 am

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What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.

Angel
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 Posted: Mon Dec 4th, 2006 12:15 pm

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The Night Before Christmas in Brooklyn
 
'Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was strirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.
When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"
When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!
Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
Don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!
Wit' a slap to dare snouts
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted
And he called dem by name
"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"
As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.
"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"
Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.
Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"



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Ketana
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 Posted: Mon Dec 4th, 2006 03:38 pm

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Pussy wants to wish you all a very Merry Christmas!




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Angel
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Mana: 
 Posted: Tue Dec 5th, 2006 12:26 pm

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Cats' Top Ten Favorite Christmas Songs
                  
10. Up on the Mousetop
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
8. Joy to the Curled
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
6. The First Meow
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
4. Silent Mice
3. Fluffy, the Snowman
2. Jingle Balls
1. Wreck the Halls!



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XS4Xevr
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 Posted: Wed Dec 6th, 2006 06:16 am

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Often written "X-mas", Out of "XMaus" Divine Inspiration I was compelled to search images for "X-Mouse" wondering what manner of visions might I meet, but after clicking the following, my Mouse would click no further!!



link: http://anterras.net/cgi-bin/archiveview.cgi?x_mouse_card_rh.jpg&000000

 

Last edited on Wed Dec 6th, 2006 06:19 am by XS4Xevr


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