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2009 New Years non-resolutions
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Joined: Fri Oct 27th, 2006
Location: The Daisy Hill Cluster Lizard Farm
Posts: 478
Status:  Offline
 Posted: Thu Jan 1st, 2009 12:34 am


I've made one of these lists the past two years...guess this trip around the sun shouldn't be any different...


*Catch, gut, cook, and eat the mighty Cthulhu.

*Walk a mile in another man's shoes, then promptly plead no contest to misdemeanor theft.

*Take a drive to Missouri and finish hand digging that tunnel to the moon I started when I was five.

*"Acquire" the deed to the Large Hadron Collider and convert it into a speakeasy (password is "Fruitcake sent me"...alternate password is "May His Merciful Shadow buy the first round").

*Surgically graft a pair of wool socks to my feet...imagine how much time that would save.

*Successfully petition the I.O.C. to introduce Freestyle Daydreaming as an Olympic sport, then promptly set about bribing judges for the big payoff in either '10 or '12...depending on how quickly I can become conversant in French and either case, look for my smiling, airbrushed, corporate-approved likeness coming soon to a cereal box near you (and you can damn well bet said cereal will be loaded down with enough sugar to dissolve baby teeth on contact).

*Sue the weather for harassment.

*Invent bread in a spray can.

*Five words: anatomically flattering cement snow angel.

*Finish episode reviews...let's face it, with the pace I've settled into that just isn't realistic ;D

If you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.
— Christopher Titus
Divine Executioner

Joined: Tue Oct 24th, 2006
Location: Keeping Kool With Kai...
Posts: 11441
Status:  Offline
 Posted: Thu Jan 1st, 2009 12:52 pm


  1. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
  2. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
  3. I will not ring the flight attendant button on airplanes just to get his phone number.
  4. I will balance my checkbook. (on my nose).
  5. I will think of a password for my computer other than "password."
  6. I will try to figure out why I "really" need 11 e-mail addresses.
  7. I will go into McDonald''s and order a McSpreader
  8. I will find out why the correspondence course on "Mail Fraud" that I purchased never showed up.
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.  Good luck to you all!


The dead do not squeeze and please....

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