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Have a Holly Jolly Christmas 2008!
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Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Wed Dec 10th, 2008 12:55 pm

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Assorted X-mas One-Liners

1. A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said: "Anyone want to buy a present?"
2. Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse? Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered "No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!"
3. I hope Santa brings me that mistletoe belt I asked for!
4. I think that Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.
5. No one in the history of the world has ever purchased a fruitcake for themselves.
6. No parent in their right mind would give a 6-year-old a drum set, therefore Santa exists!!
7. The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.
8. Q: Do you know why Santa dosen't have any children ??? A: he only comes once a year and thats down a chimney ...
9. Why is Santa Claus always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
10.What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
11. Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
12. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
13. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

Last edited on Wed Dec 10th, 2008 12:56 pm by Dragonflygurl

Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Wed Dec 10th, 2008 01:05 pm

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WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN
  1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
  2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
  3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
  4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
  5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
  6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
  7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
  8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 'sell by' date.
  9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
*******************************************************************
10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren't
  • 10. Did you get any under the tree?
  • 9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
  • 8. Check out Rudolph's Honker!
  • 7. Santa's sack is really bulging.
  • 6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
  • 5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
  • 4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.
  • 3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.
  • 2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
  • 1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
********************************************************************
Tragedy begets comedy Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something "Christmassy".
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
The third man answered "They're Carol's."


***********************************************

SANTA'S PICK UP LINES
  • I know when you`ve been bad or good -- so let's skip the small talk, sister!
  • Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
  • Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
  • I know when you`ve been bad or good -- so let's skip the small talk, sister!
  • Some of my best toys run on batteries... <wink wink>
  • I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
  • Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "nice AND naughty" list!
  • Wanna join the "Mile High" club?
  • That's not a candy cane in my pocket, honey. I'm just glad to see you!

:S1-2:


Dragonflygurl
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Mana: 
 Posted: Wed Dec 10th, 2008 01:13 pm

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Ketana
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 Posted: Wed Dec 10th, 2008 02:10 pm

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It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do
Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the
perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a
Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!



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 Posted: Wed Dec 10th, 2008 05:57 pm

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LOL! That's cute, Ketana!



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Angel
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Mana: 
 Posted: Thu Dec 11th, 2008 10:27 am

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Christmas tree of music, click any of the songs, give it a moment to load and it'll play that tune -

http://www.robinsfyi.com/holidays/christmas/tree/treechestnuts.htm



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mayaXXX
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 Posted: Thu Dec 11th, 2008 04:17 pm

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Angel wrote: mayaXXX wrote: I swear, we're all going to Hell....

:MC3:


Ya know Maya, I almost posted the same one you did, but thought.....maybe a little too nasty for Christmas.  And I now I realize we think too much alike, hehehehe..

John looks like he's having WAY too much fun as Santa. Hehehehe..

 

Hey at least I posted a disclaimer...:xdiablo:



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mayaXXX
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 Posted: Thu Dec 11th, 2008 04:28 pm

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Ok, this has been a theory tossed around for a few decades, but now with the invention of the internet, eveyone can discuss this revolutionary  idea...

What is it? The theory that SANTA IS REALLY SATAN !!

For example:

.

1. Santa is an anagram of satan


2. They both wear red


3. They both live in extreme temperatures.


4 .Santa's sleigh is pulled by reindeer AKA Horned Demons!!


5.' They both blackmail you into being good


6. You never see them together in the same place.

7. They both hang out with deformed little creatures


 

Any takers?

 

:S1-2::devilblack:

Last edited on Thu Dec 11th, 2008 04:32 pm by mayaXXX



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Ketana
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Mana: 
 Posted: Thu Dec 11th, 2008 05:40 pm

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Sexy Comments & Profile Graphics



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Ketana
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Mana: 
 Posted: Thu Dec 11th, 2008 05:46 pm

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Sexy Comments & Profile Graphics



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Ketana
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Mana: 
 Posted: Thu Dec 11th, 2008 05:53 pm

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Sexy Comments & Profile Graphics



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Angel
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Mana: 
 Posted: Fri Dec 12th, 2008 10:30 am

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Ketana wrote:
Sexy Comments & Profile Graphics


I'LL TAKE ONE OF THESE FOR CHRISTMAS!



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Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Fri Dec 12th, 2008 07:24 pm

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For all you ladies out there, please make sure your speakers are on. Sent via my cousin btw.
http://adoniscabaret.co.uk/saucy-santa-hen-night/index.htm

Dragonflygurl
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Mana: 
 Posted: Sat Dec 13th, 2008 04:49 pm

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Please click on the below link.  A different take on the carol

http://emoticarolers.com/?id=28fa3cc2ba2ebfe33f21f628ba77798e0dd364c6&author=DFG

Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Sat Dec 13th, 2008 05:19 pm

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Cute animal Christmas song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yt-K5w1PFMo&eurl=&feature=player_embedded


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