Some of you who were around in the old sci fi days in America may remember how the show was censored, blurred and parts of the episodes were completely cut out. Lots of people didn't like how the sci fi channel had basically butchered the show and censored part of what made the show what it was. So one day, just before K-town was to be aired, I wrote a little story about those sci fi gerbils (as they were called back then).
I dedicate this old short story to the very talented writer Bilbo, Viva La Lexx!
A Sci Fi documentary film crew has landed on the Lexx to find out Kai, Stan and Xev’s opinion about all of the blurring and cut monologue that has been happening during their show on the Sci Fi channel.
The film crew finds the trio on the bridge of the Lexx. The camera zooms in:
A voice behind the camera says, “What do you think of all the censoring and editing that is being done to your show?”
“It’s all a bunch of sh**........(his swearing is edited)!” says Kai. Xev puts her face up to the camera her nose looking very big and gives the camera the finger, which is blurred out. “Those godda..........gerbils!” The rest of Stan’s speech is cut. In the next scene we see Stan holding his hat with a sour look on his face.
Now the Lexx crew is really teed off and they decide to confront the gerbils. The camera crew follows them as they land the moth on the top of the sci fi building.
The gerbils are in an all important gerbil meeting....................
The camea crew has been allowed to film it:
*Squeak* *Squeak* *Squeak* *Squeak* (translated means), “What else should we cut in the Lexx show? I don’t like that scene wear the camera zooms in on Kai’s codpiece in K-town. I think we should blurr the whole scene out!” says the tiny little gerbil as he is licking himself. The other gerbil is twitching his nose and exercising on one of those little spin wheels. *Squeak* *Squeak* *Squeak* (translated means) “Great idea! Let’s do it! This show is ours to screw up and mess around with!” *Squeak* *Squeak* *Squeak* (translated is) maniacal gerbil laughter.
Suddenly the door is kicked in and the camera focuses on Kai flanked on both sides by Stan and Xev standing with their legs apart and anger on their faces. The camera turns to the gerbils who are cowering in fear. *Squeak* *Squeak* (which means) “What do you want this is a closed meeting!”
“We are here to kick some gerbil @ss!” says Kai as he storms into the room.
The camera zooms in on the gerbils as they try to run and hide. *Squeak* *Squeak* (translated means) “Oh sh*t!! We’re in for it now!”
“There will be no more blurring and editing of our show!” says Kai as he takes off his pants and flashes the gerbils with his codpiece. Which of course the camera blurs out. Xev takes off her top and flashes her breasts at the gerbils and at the camera but all we see is a blurred image across her front.
*Squeak* *Squeak* *Squeak* (translated means) “We will not tolerate this kind of crap on the sci fi airwaves! All scenes such as this will be cut and your monologue edited!” Squeaked the irate gerbils.
Kai arms his brace...........*SCREE*..................*THWACK*..............a gerbil bites the dust. The other gerbil terrified tries hiding behind the spin wheel. *Squeak* *Squeak* (translated means) “I just wet myself, oh please don’t kill me!!!! I promise not to cut anymore from the show!!!” *Squeak*
The camera does a close up of Kai’s face. Kai is in assassin mode. *SCREE................*THWACK*...................Kai gets the gerbil right between the eyes!!
“What do we do now that we have no one to tell us to blur everything out?” says a voice from behind the camera.
The camera swings to Stan and Xev. “Woo Hoo!!” Stan and Xev are jumping up and down. “You da man Kai, Woo Hoo!!” The camera goes back to Kai who is still holding his pants and smiling. Something we never get to see him do.
Kai turns around and the camera operator, who is a female, zooms in and does a close up of Kai’s naked butt as he is walking out the door. >THUD<. The camera drops to the ground and the woman is out cold. The scene switches over to the other camera and Xev wiggles and shakes her shoulders as she is backing out of the office her boobs jiggling up and down. Stan takes off his uniform and pulls down his pants and moons the camera on his way out. The camera focuses on his scrawny @ss and the man behind the camera THUDS.
Let’s all hope K-Town isn’t blurred out on Monday!
____________________ The dead do not squeeze and please....