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To Laugh Or Not To Laugh, That Is The Joke!
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Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Tue Jan 30th, 2007 10:38 pm

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never say to a cop:

1.i cant reach my license unless you hold my beer
2.sorry officer i didnt realize my radar detector wasnt plugged in
3. arent you the guy from The Village People?
4. hey, you must've been doin at least 125 to keep up with me...good job!
5. are you Andy or Barney?
6. i thought you had to be in a relatively good condition to be a polica officer
7. you're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. i pay your salary!
9. gee officer, thats great! the last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. do you know why you pulled me over? ok good, so at least one of us does.
11. i was trying to keep up with traffic. yes i know there are no other cars around, thats how far ahead of me they are!
12. when the officer says "gee son your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" you probably shouldnt respond with "gee officer, your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Angel
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 Posted: Wed Jan 31st, 2007 07:14 am

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During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."



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Angel
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Mana: 
 Posted: Thu Feb 1st, 2007 07:09 am

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POEM FOR COMPUTER USERS OVER 30

A computer was something on TV
From a science-fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was what you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a scissors
And paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.


There's still wisdom in pad and paper
And memories remaining in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens, they wish they were dead.



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Angel
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Mana: 
 Posted: Sat Feb 3rd, 2007 11:44 am

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PM shared this, I thought it was hysterical..

 

This has got to be one of the most clever
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM



PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER



ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER



DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT



THE EYES: !
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE



GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE



THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS



SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME



ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY



ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT



SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S



A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE



THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE



ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE




AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law).

Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!




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Dragonflygurl
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Mana: 
 Posted: Sun Feb 4th, 2007 03:14 pm

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Picture says it all.....



 

 

Last edited on Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 10:26 pm by Dragonflygurl

Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Mon Feb 5th, 2007 04:55 pm

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This is a bit wicked but I still made me laugh.



 

Last edited on Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 10:29 pm by Dragonflygurl

Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Mon Feb 5th, 2007 04:56 pm

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Another funny photo, but cute with it.



 

Last edited on Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 10:28 pm by Dragonflygurl

Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Mon Feb 5th, 2007 04:57 pm

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And this one is for PeaceMarauder.  Attack of the banana's



 

Last edited on Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 10:30 pm by Dragonflygurl

Angel
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 Posted: Tue Feb 6th, 2007 07:16 am

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You know you're really trailer trash when...
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Someone in your family died right after saying "Hey, y'all watch this!"

Your Junior / Senior prom had a daycare.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

Ya' can't git married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a dang law against it.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.


Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.



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Angel
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Mana: 
 Posted: Thu Feb 8th, 2007 07:18 am

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LAWS WOMEN LIVE BY

* Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

* What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

* If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

* Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

* Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

* Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

* Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

* Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

* Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his.

* Sadly, all men are created equal.
 



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Angel
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Mana: 
 Posted: Mon Feb 12th, 2007 07:28 am

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The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive symptoms of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to: Anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior.


The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only few years ago in a Texas Bush.



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Angel
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Mana: 
 Posted: Tue Feb 13th, 2007 07:20 am

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The priest asks, "Is that you, Johnny Parisi?"
"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the woman you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Volpe?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."


The priest sighs in frustration.

 "You're very tight-lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and must atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for four months. Now you go and behave yourself."
 
Johnny walks back to his pew.

His friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
 
"Four months vacation and five good leads!"



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Dragonflygurl
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Mana: 
 Posted: Tue Feb 13th, 2007 05:26 pm

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Childerns Books That Did Not Make It!



 

Last edited on Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 10:31 pm by Dragonflygurl

Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Tue Feb 13th, 2007 05:28 pm

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Salt and Battery, get it?!


Last edited on Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 10:32 pm by Dragonflygurl

Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Tue Feb 13th, 2007 05:30 pm

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Kitty Cat Folding, lol


Last edited on Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 10:33 pm by Dragonflygurl


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