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To Laugh Or Not To Laugh, That Is The Joke!
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Dragonflygurl
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 Posted: Tue Dec 29th, 2015 01:02 am

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A duck walks into a pub, call the barman and orders a ham sandwich and pint of beer.

The barman looks at him and says, “Hang on! You’re a duck”.

“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.

“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.

“I see your ears are working, too,” says the duck. “Now if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?”

“Certainly, sorry about that,” says the barman as he pulls the duck a pint.

“It’s just we don’t get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?”

“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer”.

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read It. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him “You’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper and everything!”

“Sounds marvellous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Get him to give me a call”.

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub, the barman says, “Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money”.

“I’m always looking for the next job,” says the duck. “Where is it?”

“At the circus,” says the barman.

“The circus?” asks the duck.

“That’s right,” replies the barman.

“The circus?” The duck asks again. “With the big tent?”

“Yeah,” the barman replies.

“With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?” asks the duck.

“Of course,” the barman replies.

“And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” persists the duck.

“That’s right!” says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ..

“What the hell would they want with a plasterer??!”

Angel
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 Posted: Mon Jan 4th, 2016 06:09 am

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Tell about a haircut
The story of someone getting a haircut.

Women's version:

Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Men's version:

Man2: Haircut?

Man1: Yeah.



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Angel
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 Posted: Mon Feb 1st, 2016 05:58 am

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An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."



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Angel
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 Posted: Wed Jun 8th, 2016 09:41 am

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Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."



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CheshireKat
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 Posted: Tue Aug 9th, 2016 01:38 am

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True - 2 obituaries sent to newspaper for a New Jersey man who died last week. The first obit stated he was survived by his wife. The 2nd obit stated he was survived by his long term girlfriend...hrmmm



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Angel
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 Posted: Tue Aug 9th, 2016 09:49 am

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CheshireKat wrote: True - 2 obituaries sent to newspaper for a New Jersey man who died last week. The first obit stated he was survived by his wife. The 2nd obit stated he was survived by his long term girlfriend...hrmmm
Wonder if his wife knew.  :c030a:



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CheshireKat
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 Posted: Tue Aug 9th, 2016 05:34 pm

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Angel wrote:
CheshireKat wrote: True - 2 obituaries sent to newspaper for a New Jersey man who died last week. The first obit stated he was survived by his wife. The 2nd obit stated he was survived by his long term girlfriend...hrmmm
Wonder if his wife knew.  :c030a:

The follow up article I saw said the gf submitted the 2nd obit. So, I guess she knows now



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CheshireKat
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 Posted: Fri Aug 19th, 2016 07:40 pm

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Love him or hate him, this is too funny not to share.

http://www.thestranger.com/slog/2016/08/18/24473080/theres-a-horrifying-statue-of-donald-trump-in-capitol-hill



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CheshireKat
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 Posted: Mon Feb 20th, 2017 06:17 pm

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Too Cleaver by Half! This raccoon got more than he bargained for. lol

https://www.arlnow.com/2017/02/17/trash-raccoon-rides-garbage-truck-from-rosslyn-to-falls-church/



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Angel
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 Posted: Wed Feb 22nd, 2017 10:52 am

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CheshireKat wrote:
Too Cleaver by Half! This raccoon got more than he bargained for. lol

https://www.arlnow.com/2017/02/17/trash-raccoon-rides-garbage-truck-from-rosslyn-to-falls-church/


LOL, he was waiting for them to open the back of the truck so he could skitter in and have a feast!



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